Though I was brought up in the one true faith, and have always observed the sabbath (getting to the pub at least once at the weekend) I have not always been above criticising CAMRA. But entering the world of internet beer nerdery has made me re-examine my beliefs and contemplate the role of beer in my life. By looking deeply into my soul I can see that I was wrong to question the wisdom of the church founded by the four apostles.
Many of my fellow beer bloggers advocate an ecumenical approach to beer, accepting all styles of beer as equally valid and trying to see the good in them all. Though I would not deny anyone the right to drink whatever booze is available I don't think we should forget that unless you are drinking cask conditioned beer in a pub or beer festival you are not having a complete drinking experience.
Sadly I can see some bloggers have let their natural desires for fulfilled beeritual life lead them to heresy and protestantism. Even the writer of the cask report has attacked the catechism of our faith, seeking to undermine our foundations. Clearly Satan and his minions have been at work, seeking to tempt people from the living beer to inferior fizzy filtered products.
We should spare no efforts in winning back such lost souls, and redouble our efforts to convert the pagans. Cask beer is still in woefully short supply in many areas of the holy land, and the dark forces of keggery are waiting at every turn.
But we can march forward in hope. At last the decline in cask beer has been turned around, more people are rejecting the works of Satan and embracing the one true faith. Cask beer is even growing outside of its spiritual home, appearing in the USA and Ireland. I would urge other followers of the faith to join me in an albeergensian crusade to eliminate heresy and glorify the living beer.
Faith of our fathers, Protz’s prayers
Shall win our country back to Thee;
And through the truth that comes from CAMRA,
England shall then indeed be free.